The chances of your kids not noticing that there are problems between Mom and Dad are slim. Even if you are making a conscious effort not to fight in front of them, chances are they are going to pick up on subtle signs. One parent leaves the room when another walks in. Mom and Dad don't ever smile at each other, or touch each other. Kids notice this stuff, whether consciously or unsconsciously, and it clues them into a problem. So, they notice, and they may ask about it. How do you respond honestly, yet in a way that doesn't degrade your partner in your children's eyes?
Talk about the situation, not a person. You might say things like: "Sometimes even when two people care about each other, they have a hard time getting along." or "Mommy and Daddy are just having a hard time with each other right now." These statements honestly ackolwedge that there is something wrong, but don't paint either parent in a negative light for the kids. Contrast that with: "Your father has a hard time thinking of people other than himself." That says Dad is the bad guy, and I'm the good guy.
Remember, your kids are not the ones who should be in the position of judging who is right and who is wrong in your conflicts. They are also not the sounding board for our feelings and frustrations. So, honestly acknowledge that there are issues, but protect them from any negative feelings you have about their other parent.
Up next: Part 4: Get on the same page.
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