Parenting in the Midst of Marital Difficulties (Part 2)

This is part 2 in a series of blog posts on how to parent in a healthy way when our marriage might not be in the best place.  In part 1 we hit in the overarching idea that: It is not about you.  In the midst of marital difficulties we still need to make parenting choices with the best interest of our children in mind.  This principle is the guiding principle and fundamental goal behind all the rest of these practical ideas.  Which brings us to part 2...

2.  Don't convey negative feelings about your spouse or ex spouse to your kids.

Our kids aren't the sounding board for our feelings and frustrations in life.  This is especially true when those frustrations have to do with their other parent.  That other parent may be the most selfish, and immature human being on the planet.  You may be 100% justified in your opinion and assessment of them.  It doesn't matter.  They are still the other parent, and by airing out those feelings in front of your kids (or worse, to them) they are immediately put into the extremely uncomfortable position of having to choose between the two people in their life that are supposed to take care of them. 

There is a huge temptation to want to win the kids over to our side, especially when a marriage might be near its end.  The thing that stinks about this is that it usually works in the short term.  You can trash your partner and your kids will probably be hostile to them and more sympathetic to you.  But, you will do untold damage to your kids in the long-term.  You will severely hinder their ability to trust, love, and develop any sort of stable adult long term relationship.  So, the question is, what's your goal?  You can win a short term battle with your spouse, or protect your child's emotional well-being in the long term.  If it's the latter, we need to keep negative comments about their other parent out of their ears and minds.

That brings up a question.  If the marriage is in trouble, the kids will most likely notice.  How do we address this honestly, while still not being negative about the other parent?  Come back for part 3 for an answer to that question.