Acceptance communicates to a child several things. It communicates: "I love you." "I value you just as you are." "I want to support you." "I care and empathize with all of the ways you are struggling." "I am proud of you." These are things that a child needs to hear and feel from the adults in their lives. They need to know that regardless of what they might say, feel, or do, that the adults in their lives will never reject them, and will always value them.
However, there is also the need for accountability, which is very different. Accountability challenges a child to grow, and mature, and become the person he or she has the potential to be. Accountabilty says "I see all that you can be, and want to help you become that." Accountability corrects a child when that child makes a choice that is unwise, or unhealthy. Accountability puts consequences in place when mistakes are made.
Why is it important to think about these two things? Because, you have a default mode. In interactions with your child you probably tend to default to either acceptance, or accountability. But, both are necessary. Accountability without acceptance leads to a child that feels rejected, and unloved. Acceptance without accountability leads to a child with no discipline, motivation, or self control.
So, the task for us as parents, and adults who care for the kids in our lives, is to ask ourselves: "What is my default mode in responding to my child, and how can I become more balanced in that approach?"
How might you seek to become more balanced? Feel free to share in the comments below.
